It takes courage to believe in yourself. It requires letting go of fear.
The last month has been hard. In the time since Matt left his job we have found ourselves continually trying to move forward. Everyone asks us where we are moving to and wonders what is happening next.
I don’t know what is happening next.
We are fragile beings. Whether we admit it or not, our self concept often hangs in the balance between what people tell us and what we believe. It takes time for someone to build you up enough that you recognize your potential, and it can be taken away even more quickly by someone who doesn’t take the time to listen to or understand you. It has been a journey to get to this point but I can now say that I’m not afraid to fail. I still doubt, but that does not paralyze me from moving forward. I know that in many ways I’ve been given a gift by those that believe in me because it has allowed me to believe in myself.
I know that I can’t be the photographer for every person but I can be the right photographer for a few. I know that raising my prices is necessary to pay for new expenses like health insurance and growing my business is essential if we decide to keep this up for a few years… but more importantly I continue to pour in to the people that I work with because I care about documenting their stories. I love to create images that capture their beauty, honesty + love. Can I do this and provide for our family? I’m not sure, but I’m willing to find out.
At this point I know you are wondering why Matt doesn’t just get another job. While he may have the opportunity to do so, we can’t help but ask ourselves: what are we working for? More money? A house with a white picket fence? Another bicycle? (that last one is for those of you who know us well). With children it’s a completely different conversation when you think about being present in their lives and how much you can afford to do so while balancing providing for their needs and future. In a way we aren’t willing to give up all of our time to work and would love for one of us to always be at home. This of course seems like a luxury, but if it could be reality even for a little while do we want to pass it up?
I am grateful that we are forced to challenge ourselves, to grow and to move out of what was comfortable yet confining… but some days we just have to keep telling ourselves that as we continue to let go of the fear that is holding us back.